To be or Not to be?

For the young at heart like me... this is a question that by default, and without considering-thinking, is answered in the positive - To Be! Many though, if they knew what was coming, would start to consider before making a choice. Ps: I'm sharing what I've learnt, but I stand corrected.

In having a conversation with a friend the other night, I made the following statement: "Friends teach us much ...if we listen hard enough." It is a statement I made in response to her saying: "I'm learning patience... So what better way than to have my friends teach me." What she meant was, by the good and the bad she goes through with relations, she is learning to be a better person and to make smarter choices. Generally, we figure that learning comes only from the adults and the old who've seen more of life than the young have, but truth is ... we can learn a thing or two from even those younger than we are... only if we are willing to listen.

"You know the only time something affects you is if you've invested in it? So do you stop investing, or do you limit your investment, or do you psyche yourself for a half chance of good and bad results?" Further on in the conversation I had with said friend, she asked me this. I understood her perfectly well because over the years, I've come to realise the reality of life - Sacrifice. In order to achieve anything in life, sacrifice is a must. If you cannot give up (or let go) stuff for the joy of another, you will have a bond of unforgiveness knocking at your door. And, if you read what I shared on unforgiveness, I doubt you'd want it residing with you.

Now, and with all due respect, I know that I'm still young and learning, but over the last few years I've learnt stuff through questions, observations and my own relationship, and since I get this question a lot off-late I decided to share a bit on it. Should you want details though, you'd have to seek a counsellor.

"To be in a relationship... is it worth it?"

My response to people is rather the opposite of what I thought I'd be saying when I first started dating. In all my ignorance of the pending truth, I was all positive and no negative. I figured it was a sail-through. I knew though that the tide would shift every now and then, but little did I know that storms would rise as high as the heavens! So, here’s what I say to people: "Relationships of any kind, especially the dating-marriage type, are not a joke! You only dare if you're willing to run an unending 100m dash forever and ever! (till death swallows) ...and, that's a rather very long time. You will get tired but there's no stop or rest. If you know you cannot make it.... don't bother, because you will wreck your life and the life of another." Personally, I'm the crazy all-in or all-out kind'a person. I never do a 50-50 gamble because I simply do not know how to. Apparently though, it is a dangerous thing to do. This is why many have a "Plan B"; in case there's a failure, there'd also be a failsafe. This in my opinion though is wrong and rather negative. Why have a "Plan B"? It simply means you know you are going to fail. You believe that you will not make it through, and thus... you plan for the failure by having a "stand-by". This as well is selfishness; eating your cake and having it.

Further along the conversation, the friend made a comment as such: "...I won't bear putting my all in a relationship because it doesn't seem the other is willing to go all the way... always weighing options... making sure they won't be at the losing end of things... making sure that even if someone gets hurt, it's not them but the other party..." My response was simply: "You're learning... we all are. Those kind'a people, well ... they never learn anything 'cause of that kind of selfishness." Many of you may disagree and say being "careful" is not wrong, and... it isn't, but the kind of "careful" where the other person is some sort of a scape-goat is not right. Put yourself in their shoes... would you like to be a guinea-pig or a lab-rat?? I doubt it.

Once again, personally, I prefer to experience and learn stuff on my own than to hear 'stories' from another and not truly understand the concept of a thing. Getting hurt is inevitable, but can be used to improve many lives. You learn a thing or two, you share it and help others. Also, you avoid putting others through what you have experienced yourself that was unpleasant. A good friend asked why I like to allow some things to happen to me, and I responded with a smile: "...to learn so I can save you the trouble of going through the same." I realise my thinking is slightly off when compared to what is accepted all-round as 'normal', but that's just me. I learn what I can and grow as much with it so I can share. It's far from easy... it’s hard! ...as the word itself, but greatly rewarding.

Beauty means nothing in a relationship when there's no understanding, joy and peace. So, to those who thinking beauty is everything... IT IS NOT!!! Haven't you ever wondered why "rich" people have "everything" but have nothing!?? A lot remain sad and miserable, while the "simple" who seem to have nothing, have it all. They smile and laugh regardless of their situation. Beauty is fleeting, but understanding, joy, peace, and love remain forever. Where do these come from? Nowhere else but from God. His grace is so sufficient that he taught us the trick: "...godliness with contentment is great gain." He also said in James 1 : 5 (KJV) "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him."

Errr... I seem to have gone off in a different direction, but, I write what I'm led to as inspired, so... it's all good. :)

When I get stubborn about a thing when mom is trying to teach me, she simply resigns and says: "...when you grow older, you will understand." I have found that that statement is far from exaggeration. I look back and laugh at my ignorance in being 'smart'. For some reason, humans just won't listen till they experience a thing for themselves... the negative side effects of curiosity. I suggest we learn to listen and stop being wise in our own eyes.

A few things I suggest looking out for before jumping on the horse and shouting "To be!": Love, Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness, Temperance - Galatians 5 : 22. You have to be overflowing with these because you will be tried and tested ... rather severely I must add. You will realise your strength or weakness when those tests come, and you will know where you need to work on. None is perfect but God. Do not feel ashamed when you make a flaw... to err is human. Improvement comes from learning and running with that knowledge. The one thing I suggest you "kill" before plunging head first into the deep-end is Expectations. They're not bad but tend to cause more harm than good. A lot of the complaints and misunderstandings is simply ‘cause one failed to meet the expectations of another. It is good to desire something from the relationship, but when you realise it is bringing more trouble than peace ... throw it out the window. It is better to have nothing and peace, than everything and war!

The heart and mind are were the war is. None can fight and win that battle for you; everyone has their own battle. The skill to control both must be learned through The Word of God and Prayer - they're the only ways I know off that work. If you however at some point in life develop the bravado of a Knight and decide that your answer is "To be", do bear these in mind:

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Pray, pray, pray, and ... pray some more. When you feel you cannot take the next step, pray. When you feel things are confusing and messing up, pray. When you're even at peace, pray. Trust me... prayer works!

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Our words often reflect the condition of our heart. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry - James 1:19.

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It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little-to-no motivation, but love in its truest sense is not based on feelings but a determination to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. In addition to saying nothing negative to your partner, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness each day.

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Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you're not investing in. Along with refraining from any negative comments, buy your partner something that says you were thinking of her every now and then.

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When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies, but after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about it. If the amount he studied her before marriage was equal to a high school degree, he should continue to learn about her until he gains a college degree, a master’s degree, and ultimately a doctorate degree. It is a life long journey that draws his heart ever closer to hers.

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Watch out for parasites! A parasite is anything that latches on to you or your partner and sucks the life out of your marriage. They're usually in the form of addictions like gambling, drugs, or pornography. They promise pleasure but they grow like a disease and consume more of your thoughts, time, and money. They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love. Marriages rarely survive if parasites are present. If you love your partner, you must destroy any addiction that has your heart. If you don't, it will destroy you!

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The halfway point is the hardest point in any relationship. It's when you determine whether your heart's in it or not. It makes you check your real motives when things get difficult. Don't ever give up on your partner. Fight your hardest for them. Respect your partner. Do not love because you will get a reward out of it... love because you want to whether or not the one deserves it; the heart can be deceived. You gotta lead it, not follow it.

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Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, and ... forgive more! Forgive till it becomes your natural nature. You may be right or wrong, but just let go and let peace rule. You will never regret it. Hold on to a thing and you will lose your peace. The irony will be: you will learn the "pricelessness" of peace.

Finally... Please! ...do not be pressured into making any decision, neither should you pressure any into making a decision. Why? Well, everyone has their time for things to happen in their life. God has plans and designs for everyone... don't go round messing it up with your limited wisdom.

To be or Not to be? ...you decide!

~ yoyo

~ inspiredwordz

~ February 17, 2015 ; 8 : 36 am