My Testimony

I have a story to tell. Within is a testimony long-awaited. The depths of which only a handful truly appreciate; A mother who stayed up late praying earnestly, and friends who supported with advice, directives, and comfort. A few may have the faintest of ideas of my passing through such lows, but do not know the depth to which I had to dive in order to rise above waters so rough.

Seeing many progress as you seem to stand still like a pole in the side of the road where many cars with many people are moving on to different towns or cities or countries to have better lives while you just remain there planted and the same is by far one of the most disturbing things to happen to a person. It destroys you from the inside out - the thoughts, like curveballs, never cease to hit... each, with more pain than the previous.

The pain and stress of continuously waking up to the worried look of a mother who loves you is one you never get used to. Each day, the weight on your shoulders increase ever slightly but just enough to destabilise your whole being. The compounding thoughts are only light as the wind when you sleep, but even that, it is only if they do not follow you there to haunt you further. For a man, it is an even heavier burden especially because you are supposed to be the "responsible" one taking care of things. Oh, and dare you fall in love and land in a relationship headed for marriage and there you will know what the "weight of the world" feels like. It is quite the experience.

Praying to God each morning, noon and night endlessly, upon reaching and going past the point of desperation, where you start to hope and looking toward whatever horizon lies before you in earnest for an answer or answers to your countless and endless problems becomes the norm of your living - you know nothing else. God becomes your best friend, and your pillow, your tear-towel and burden-carrier. At these points in life God feels further than far past a distance of infinity miles away. Funny thing... He's always right there beside you. Clouded by thoughts and emotions, we fail to sense His ever remaining presence seeing as our focus is anywhere but in His direction. We're blinded!

The worst is yet to come. Opportunities start to rise and with these very positive ripe-fruit-looking opportunities comes a skyrocketing rise in hope that peace and rest is nigh. It's like you could almost literally touch it. Then the fall! Everything fails and nothing works out leaving us worse than before. Broken and left sulking in a dark and shadowy place, it is all we can do but to lie there powerless and emptied of all possible tears for then and the next thousand years. The situation, seemingly so hopeless, results in you not even trying to grab and hold on to any further opportunities that present themselves - no matter how attractively presentable they may be.

It takes just that single God-wowing-orchestrated moment in life to bring a drastic change. A change so unforeseen, though dreamt of earnestly, that it is almost unbelievable. It becomes more of a dream than a reality though a full-fledged reality it is. This becomes that point in life where you stare on with your jaw dropped to ground and your hands flailing in all possible and impossible directions. I recommend a hearty slap from a dear friend (not a stranger you're unlikely to meet again, so you can return the favor when it's that friend's turn) as the way to return your senses to you. It helps! ...trust me.

At this point, it is all you can do but to give thanks and praise to the right place-right time God who never leaves neither forsakes all who trust in Him. The flood gates open wider with each "Thank You" directed up to the maker ward. A bit of the heaven experience runs through your entire being, filling you with the peace of God that surpasses all understanding to the point of an overflow! This overflow contains a mix of joy, laughter, smiles, peace, strength, progress, excellence, resource provision and on and on - everything you need (including those you do not even know you do).

This has been my personal experience, one I know many of you reading this can relate to rather easily. A tale to tell the kids as they grow - to teach them of life, its difficulties, and about the ONLY solution-provider -- God! Halfway through the experience narrated above I spoke to God and made Him a promise that if He, like the many He has done it for, would give me the opportunity to stand before men to share my testimony, I gladly would. Thus, here is me, humbled by His very timely kindness and provision that has brought deepening smiles to all who know my sorrows turned joys, sharing my tale of victory with you.

Heading out to attend countless interviews with my head held real high and full promise each time, but returning with my head hang down low became the norm for a period of 1 year and 9 months. The encouragement from mum, friends and old colleagues was a big help in pushing me to get up and go get beaten up in an attempt to try again. Throwing in the towel was such a tempting temptation, one to which I honestly almost completely gave in to. The words of the poem "Sleight of Heart" I penned quite a long while back came to me:

  

"-manual dexterity of heart

great skill and finesse in part

When you feel weakest

and at your very limit

that is in fact

when you are strongest!

                          So get up, and push on harder." [yoyo: 01-10-2014]

These words, the advice of the earlier mentioned souls, and most importantly - My Faith In God - enabled me to get up each day to fight each battle to its finish no matter how broken and bloody I was left. The result being that I won the war! God's calming Grace, His endless Mercies and His amazing Favor brought me Victory with a smile. My employment brought, not just me, but the many-few who checked on me constantly such immense joy - mum became a 2-year old again with a sheepish grin!

The lines have fallen in pleasant places! ...all because I trusted God till the very end. I almost gave up but I did not - I held on! Trust me... there is NOTHING impossible for God, and this is my testimony. 

~ yoyo

~ inspiredw0rds

~ May 23, 2016 ; 12 : 23 pm